Good Evening, Alex and I went to church this morning and I talked to my pastor I usually talk to and also his wife. They think I need to distant myself and Alex from them (Chris' side)until they change. I am back to my sleepless nights and still have my cold. I still get angry with myself, Chris and God and question a lot. Is it fair to Alex for this distance? It is for her spiritual growth, I believe. I think I will change locks and then only invite them over when I'm home for holidays. I tried to give my frustration and anger to the Lord at the alter but I didn't know how to. I cried and cried and felt like everyone was judging me so I left and stood in the hallway and looked out at the sky and talked to God. Mostly saying I can't do this, I can't raise Alex right, I can't live with negativity and torn families, I can't live this drama. I then went back in and sat with Alex. Enough of this, I've tried to upload the pictures of the furniture that Jennifer took and emailed to me but for some reason they won't. I will try tomorrow. Wish all of you a great week.
I pray that those who are sick will be better. I pray for my dad's eating habits and pray that Alex will not be affected by them. I thank God that dad is alright after falling in Jennifer's yard after the garage sale. I pray that the kids will take dad for a walk each day. I pray that they will also behave. I pray that I will get up and workout before work. I pray I will stop crying. I pray I can get back off pop again. I want to be happy in Jesus again and worship Him again like a new childlike faith would.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
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I agree with your pastor about distancing yourself and Alex from Chris's side of the family for a time. God will let you know when the time is right. There is no need for you to spoil your holidays with them either. From what I have heard, they have never treated you nor Chris right. You are not damaging Alex when you are protecting her from them. Does she really need them? Will they do her more good or harm? Give yourself a break. You did everything you knew to do to help Chris. He chose to do what he did. Now it is up to you to chose who you will serve. God, a dead husband, self, Alex, Chris' relatives? Choose God and He will let you know what to do about the rest. I know it is hard and sometimes God seems so distant, but He is there. Remember when there is "only one set of footprints" is when Jesus is carrying you. I am praying for you. Lovingly, Aunt Arlona
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