I am so thankful that I have a Rock to go daily. I think (know) that I am doing well today and my faith is growing stronger each day because I go to my Rock and rejoice and thank Him even during the difficult times. Psalm 126:4 (TLB) says May we be refreshed as by streams in the desert. In difficulties, I can drink freely of God's power and experience His touch of refreshment and blessing-Much like an invigorating early spring rain. I believe what Isaiah 26:3 says, Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace-in peace because they trust in you. I have stayed upon Him through thick and thin and He has given me that perfect peace I need.

Today my grandpa had a pacemaker put in and it went well. I think he is coming home tomorrow. I pray that it will work and there won't be any complications. I talked to my Aunt Mary who I hardly see or talk to tonight for about a half hour. I don't know if I am going to be up to going to K'ville on Sunday for a cookout. Sundays are usually hard for me. I am just praying that I can have a week that nothing happens or have anything to worry about.

It's after 10 and Alex is watching a Christmas movie so if we get more cold weather or snow it's her fault. I am on deck with our cat Casper enjoying the nice evening weather. I think I am going to grill tomorrow for luner.(lunch/dinner)Alex got to go to the zoo today with cousin Sue since she had a half day of school and I had to work.

Alex doesn't know this but I am planning with my cousin Sarah that lives in Iowa, who has a daughter 7 days older than Alex and a son who is exactly 1 year younger, to have a celebration together around her birthday(July 1). I took vacation July 1 -3 and have June 29th and July 4th and 5th off. I guess Marlene is going to church camp end of June and I think Alex will join Marlene. Alex will probably like it but she is worried about her weight. We are both working on it and I plan to take walks and ride bikes this spring and summer. We have work to do to change her eating habits from our remodeling months but I know we can do it.

My prayer tonight is that God will show Himself to those who need to see Him. I am praising Him more and more. I thank Him for loving me unconditionally and keeping me close. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Good Evening, I added a video after my prayer, it goes along on how I feel. I am able to look up a little more each day to God. Today was good. I got great news today that my work insurance granted Alex and I to have coverage without having to wait til October for enrollment. It is cheaper than Anthem and also has dental, prescription and life insurance included. Tonight Alex and I had Erin's House (place for grieving families) and I decided to give my group a second chance. It went better than a month ago. It really helped. There was another lady there that her husband killed himself in the back yard and it is hard for her to live in the house. I am so thankful that Chris didn't do it here so I am able to still admire his creation. She also was a stay at home mom. She wasn't wanting to tell more so I don't know if he had a disease or what. When I told my story and how God has really shown Himself to me through providing for things and strength, she did open up and share that the high school where her kids attend (same private school Chris went) that they said the tuition will be covered for the next 4 years and she knows that is God. I am praying that God will show me if this is who I need to be a witness to. It seems almost everyone in my group is Catholic. But as my pastors and I say, at the end of the day we all serve the same God. Tonight as I am typing I am making brownies for Alex to take to school for her carnival tomorrow night. I am still worrying with my friends that work at the local GM plant if they or their spouses will have a job still, so please keep them in your prayers.

Last night and this morning I couldn't find a note that Chris wrote and left in my work pocket that I had taped to one of our pictures together that said "you are the light in my heart". I did find it tonight it had fallen off and stuck to the side of a white box and when I moved the box it fell. So I am feeling better tonight. In my group tonight I said the hardest thing about not having someone you love anymore is not having the love anymore. I didn't realize how much Chris helped me through the day. I get so aggitated and frustrated more easily at work and it bothers me because I am a loving, kind, patient person at work, atleast I was when he was alive. We would text one another on breaks to help eachother get through even if it was just a hi, or a I love you. I also said I get mad at Chris when I need him to fix or do something and he is not here but then feel guilty for being mad at him. Another lady identified with me on that and it was just recently it happened to her (after 5 yrs of losing her husband) when her daughter's car wasn't working right and also college information (she always thought her husband would sit in the mtgs).

My prayer tonight is that God will continue to work in our lives and that we will continue to trust and lean on Him. Have our faith grow stronger. I pray for the people who need or are at risk of losing their jobs that God will give them the peace they need and provide for them. I continue to pray for the loved ones who need healing from sickness, despair, or depression. I pray for the people who are looking for a partner to share their lives with and to have a family. I thank God for all that He is doing in the lives of His sons and daughters and what He is going to do. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Good Evening, I hope you are doing well. Barbara's surgery went well but we are praying that God will heal her or allow the chemo to work. I had a good day even though I didn't sleep well last night, due to being on the couch that is in the old living room and being wired up after work for some reason. I cried this morning on my way to work, wishing I still had Chris to help do our projects(atleast I think that is why, I don't remember exactly why because I think about a lot of things that make me cry). I am so surprised how well God has helped Alex and I to keep loving Him and trusting Him. Also, how well we have been able to deal with these trials. He is so Awesome. I've tried to get the video but I don't know how to get the Awesome God video on my blog with this so if anyone knows let me know please. Thank you.

My prayer tonight is that God will help Alex with her attitude of wanting everything her way. Help her to be more respectful. I thank God for her and for being her Anchor. I pray for the friends and family who are worried about their jobs or don't have one that God will give them the peace and guidance they need to make a living. I pray for those who need healing that God will heal them and take away their pain. I love you and am continuing to trust you and lean on you. Thank you for this day and as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Good Evening, I ended up having to work til 10pm tonight due to someone calling in. I am on a high tonight due to having a great day. I met with my life insurance guy to get costs for Alex and life on house mortgage. Then I went on deck to talk to God and Chris and looked across and saw a landscaper who gave me a quote and I told them it would be fall or next year though. Had a good day at work and my regular that comes in every Tuesday (they know thats my night to work) came in to brighten my day. Their relative does landscaping as well so they are sending them my way to get me a deal. We'll see. Alex and Sue are asleep and I am wide awake. I am missing Chris. It is so lonely and empty here. I am actually debating on having a cookout for co-workers so it won't be. I wish I knew how to do other things so I didn't just type about my days, but my counselor thinks it is great so then in one year I can look back and see how God helped me through these times of trials.

My prayer tonight is that Barbara's surgery went well, hopefully we will know by tomorrow if it did. I thank God for a great day. I pray that God will continue to guide and direct me and reveal Himself to me. God is my Rock!!!! As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Good Evening, Today we didn't get to church due to cell being in car and we overslept. Alex and I made taco salad for a funeral dinner tomorrow for someone at our church. Then I came home and slept the day away, waking up at 6pm. I am torn, I want to write a letter out of respect to a couple that is on Chris' side but I don't think my counselor would be ok with that. I wrote a rough draft and sent it to my mom to see if what I said is ok, so I guess I will see if it is meant to or not.

Someone called me today asking how we are doing financially, so far we are doing well. I haven't recieved the medical bills from Alex yet. I will get the lawyer bill in July or August so we'll see. I know we are fine and God has been very Gracious through family, friends, work and just watching over His children.

I just want to say that God has layed on my heart to say this, He is our strength, our friend (even when we don't think we have any), our provider, our healer, and our warrior. Our thoughts and feelings seem to lie to us over and over throughout the day. We are loved by family and God even when the wrong things come out and we are hurt. They didn't mean to hurt us but it did, they still love us dearly. I know you won't get over it right away, but we need to cherish the time we have left with them because you never know how long you will get with them. It's difficult, I know, because I need to listen to this as well with some family members who have hurt Chris and I. I am praying for all of you who feel this way as well. If you are like me and are an emotional eater I am praying you turn to prayer instead of food. Some of my one liners are God help me not to hold this against them. God don't let me be bitter about this. God they mean well help me to take it for the good. I love you very much!!!!! Hang in there and think the good in all we do.

I am planning on going to Michigan the weekend of Memorial Day just for Saturday probably, I want to take my nephew and my daughter on a walk to the lighthouse. That used to be my thinking spot and talking spot when I needed to get away. I need to get away and think and talk while loving God's creation. I also would like to see my family I hardly get to see.

My prayer today is that we don't hold on to hurt or wrong feelings very long. I hope our thoughts and feelings don't turn into bitterness. I thank you God for your love and grace. Help us to give you time each day and to lean on you especially when we are weak. Guide and direct our path and decisions eachday. I thank you for your wonderful promise of never leaving or forsaking us. I continue to pray for my cousin Barb's healing of cancer, put your healing hand on this cancer again. Be with their family as they are hurting like I was, seeing and feeling her in pain. Just help them to keep trusting in You and give them the strength ,that you gave me, to keep loving her more and more and assuring her that God has her in His hands. Please God let her be with her girls and husband, don't let them go through the loss of their mother/wife. I love you and trust in your plan and hear my prayer for this loved one. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!

I love you Chris, Alex says she loves you too! We love you God no matter what happens!