Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Today counseling went well. My counselor said that the letter I wrote for my brother-n-law and sister-n-law was straight to the point, with boundries and the ball is now in their court. She said she is so proud of how well I am doing. I also met with a friend who is a life insurance guy, I have Alex's plan picked but am still deciding on what plan to pick for me. I wish God would tell me if I am going to die within 20 years. I know that won't happen so please pray for me that God will give me the right thought and decision. I hate doing this because it is hard thinking about your death but you need to do this so the loved ones that are left behind won't have to worry about your daughter's financial difficulties and struggle raising her. I hope tomorrow I can post some easter pictures of Alex that her cousin took her to go get. Some are cute but others bring out the "snot" she sometimes is. But I love her and cherish her. She is my angel sent from above.

Today I pray that God will help Alex with her istep tests and continue to show her His love and support. I pray that God will show me what verses to show her to back up things we talk about. I pray that God will just take all the negative thoughts I have away and replace them with praises. I thank God for today and I pray that I will do better tomorrow. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Monday, April 27, 2009


Today, Alex and I were sick. I missed work and felt bad because I love work. I love work even more now because being here at home makes me miss Chris and I get down. I no longer can get free internet because my neighbor decided to block his wi-fi so no one can pull from his server. I think it was the little bit of chicken I ate that made me sick, I knew better than to eat the chicken but I was hungry, I hadn't eaten for awhile, I don't remember if I had breakfast or not. I have counseling tomorrow morning and I am not sure what to say. I think I am fine but then there are days like today when I don't do anything and then I am angry at myself, God and Chris. (in that order) Then I play I will Rise, We will remember, Savior Please to get me uplifted again. So that is where I am at today. Sick, down but ok.

My prayer tonight is that Alex and I will be feeling better and she can go do istep test tomorrow and I will be able to go to work and my meetings. I thank God for His understanding and comfort. I pray for those who are laid off or going to be or don't have jobs, that God will provide for them. I pray for the sick that God will put His healing hand on them. I pray that God will be with the team that is helping me with financial decisions and that God will lead me to what I need to do. I pray for my lawyers team that God will put His hand in that situation as well. I give You all my concerns and worries and life in Your hands. I trust in You to guide and direct whatever happens. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

My prayer is that God will continue to help me remember and I will continue to give Him praise. I pray that Alex will know God for herself and not what others are telling her. I pray God will help me to talk to her so she will know the truth, especially after today. Friday she told me 2 men that she would like me to get with one being married and retired and the other is someone who helped me in the past but we also both got hurt. I told her today God is my husband and He is her dad. She said no God is in heaven. I told her yes but in His word He says He is the father to the fatherless and a spouse to the unmarried. I also told her I am ok and dad will always be my husband. I also asked her last night why she wants me to get remarried and she said because I want you happy again and men are smarter. I told a couple of guys this at church and they said I am raising her well. :) I said God is watching and taking care of us and daddy is watching as well. She said I know but daddy is in junior heaven. That hurt me so much inside hearing her say that. I said Alex there is only one heaven and one hell no junior or inbetween. If you would like to verify this please feel free to talk to Pastor Barry (children's pastor). So I pray that God will have her know the truth and draw her close. I pray that God will give her the peace and strength that He has given me that we don't need men to complete us and to live but all we need is to have God fully in our lives and if it is His will to provide a godly man again so be it. I thank you God for your love and faithfulness in my life. I praise you for allowing me to change at least one life by showing unconditional love for Chris, even though my human will interferred with your plans but you still changed Chris' life and kept us together in love. I thank you for my testimony of your love and commitment to me and walking hand in hand with me. All I have to say today is God is HERE!!! I will remember all that He has brought me through and has done in my life. I encourage you to meditate about all that He has done for you as you listen to the following song.