Happy Father's Day!!

I am writing tonight to tell you about a few fathers. But real quick I would like to thank God for a safe trip to Peru,IL taking Alex halfway to Iowa for church camp. I ask as God lays it on your heart to pray for the girls at camp that they will see and hear God and to hide it in their hearts and live their faith out. I was disappointed because when I got home tonight the cards I had in my mail to be mailed today was still there and no new mail. Oh, well I guess they will get them all at once.

My first father I am going to tell you about is my dad.
Follower of Christ
Accountable
Thoughtful
Helpful
Exceptional wood worker
Real

Thank you dad for all the work and love and support you have given over the years. Many times I have taken you for granted and I am sorry. I have not given you the thanks many times that you deserve. So from the bottom of my heart thank you and I love you.

The next one is my husband and Alex's dad.
Fun
Awesome and Adorable
Thankful
Happy
Energetic
Realistic
Handsome
Unique
Saw me for me
Believer in Christ
Applied himself in everything he did
Nice family man
Designer

Chris you were a great dad, you provided love and care for our daughter. You loved us for who we were. You leaned on us when you were not strong for the longest time when it was hard for you to do. We love you and commend you for your fight. We miss you. You are irreplaceable. You taught us to live positive and enjoy life up to the last couple of months. I am sorry for the heartaches but thank you for forgiving me as our Savior forgives us. You are now able to celebrate Father's day with the greatest Father we know, our Heavenly Father.

I saved the best for last. The third father is my Heavenly Father.
Helps in time of need
Exalted
Accredited Counselor
Vibrant
Elegant in All He does
Never keeps record of wrongs
Loving
Yours Truly

Faithful
All knowing
Teacher
Holy
Exuberant
Righteous

God, I know I fail you all the time and I am sorry. I am sorry I haven't been very thankful as I should be.You are the one who should be given the praise but we often forget to praise you for what you have done. Help me to do better to give you the praise you deserve. You are there to carry me when I am weak. You healed our marriage and the addiction of my husband. You do so much for me and then when I didn't see or understand why I had a storm I blamed you and was angry with you. I am sorry. I look back and I see your mighty hand in a lot of areas of Chris',Alex's and my life. I am very grateful to you and am rejoicing in you. You are never failing even though sometimes it feels like it. Your Word says Plans to prosper and not to harm you. I believe your Word and your Promise. Keep Alex and I in your hands and keep providing and have patience for us. I love you. Please keep my family including extended family in your hands, especially if it is healing, providing, helping, or loving that they need. Please be with Alex as this is her first father's day without her dad. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

My Cry

Dear God,
I am so irritable today and I don't know why. I have been doing my devotions and spending time with you. From the start of the day I have been this way and for no reason. Work went well and I was fine there. I got in trouble tonight after dinner for doing the dishes. I didn't like that Sue said to Alex that your mom is not listening to her elder and she knows where Alex gets it from now. I am sorry but there is a difference in not listening to elders and being courteous and polite. Please God, I pray that you will have Sue change. I dislike it that she goes through others to get control and to get her way. Tonight, we weren't even out of their driveway when Alex asked who is picking her up on Tuesdays when school starts. I said probably Aunt Jen why. Alex said I want Sue to pick me up. (shocked me because before she said Jen) I asked did Sue put you up to this. She smiled and said no but she is hurt by it mom and Sue reminded me of all the fun things we can do like go to build a bear and things like that. I find this funny because I haven't said anything and I have been praying for a clear answer from God to know who should watch her. I was actually debating on every other for them. It is not fair to Jennifer if I see if a school parent can watch Alex on Tuesdays. What should I do? If I do every other one then why even change the locks? Sue has called my counselor numerous times. God, I can not do this drama. I am even thinking I should've not had Chris get back involved with his family. The reason why we had contact with Sue is because I invited her to gatherings and became friends with her and Chris would even ask why are we inviting them. It's not fair to Alex to have her totally out of our life. God, you did make me laugh inside tonight. Sue asked Alex to pray for dinner tonight and Alex prayed a personal prayer to God instead of the Catholic dinner prayer. I laughed inside because at home she will do the dinner prayer and then for this to happen there. Why is it so difficult to deal with the others family when the other is not here? Why am I drawn to drama, first Stacy/Chris/me and Sue/Chris/me and now Sue/me? Chris admitted to the drama b/n Stacy and us and Sue and us. I forgave him for that but why now? God I am crying out to you to help. Why are you not helping me in this? Chris why did you have to leave me with this? I am so close to being where I was 10 years ago, and I don't want to mess it up now. I so much want to eat and I can't or I will mess it up. I so much want a cigarette so I don't eat but why mess up what I have been doing well on not doing. I am not strong enough to do this. I am not strong enough to raise Alex to love her family no matter what. See Chris, I am just aching right now doing life without you. See, I am not over you either. So why did you think it would be better for me without you and that I would be over you in no time and that I can teach Alex the best in people. I CAN'T!!!!!!! Why God does people go through others to get them to say or do what they want instead of waiting on your will. Show me your comfort and joy and peace. Show me that you are here. Show me your will clearly. I have to go now, God because we need to pack. I pray and plea with you to reveal your true self to Alex this week. I pray you will be with her and keep her strong in your ways Lord. Amen

Happy Birthday Don! Happy Father's Day Chris!

Good Evening, Today was great. Alex got dropped off at 7am and Sue came over to watch her at 8am. We all left around 9am for them errands and me work. Sue got shorts at walmart for Alex and addressed post cards for her. We had our memorial dinner tonight at Chris' and his dad's favorite rib joint. Every year since 2003 we get together on Chris' dad's birthday to send up balloons in memory of him. This year we included Chris. We sent up balloons with laminated cards on them as we always do. This year the cards said in memory of our Native Americans Donald E. Strack and Chris J. Strack and on back they put love from: and the appropriate address label (whoever the balloon was from). Dinner went well. Sue won't tell me how much we owe her for shorts and even shirts. (I didn't ask for shirts) They even wouldn't let me pay for Alex's and my meal. It's like they are trying to buy us. We spent 2 hours at the rib joint. They took Alex home with them and I came home and mowed my backyard and was ready to mow the front and my neighbor's when he came out and said he would do the front yard and his Friday or Saturday. I said I feel bad that he does it but he said he likes to and it takes 2 minutes. He said I am busy as it is and don't need to worry about mowing. We are meeting Sue and Nelson again in July for ribs on July 17th when he turns 65. They want to know what I am doing for Alex but I don't know if we will or not. She is going to have her celebration in Iowa with the other June/July cousin kids. Tonight was not as bad as I thought it would be. Today was stress free and comforting. Thank you all for your prayers. I praise God for His comforting and calming hand. I didn't want to do this but it worked out. I thought of Chris and cried inside the whole time I ate ribs and his garlic bread he likes. I even made the comment "where is Chris to eat my white lettuce." I don't like the white part only the green part. I love how God worked in me today. He has not failed me yet. Sometimes I feel He has but when you look back He hasn't. Praise God for His unconditional love and forgiveness.

As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!!!!

Today was very good but a little stressed as well. This morning I had counseling. To clarify for those who are confused. I have counseling every other Tuesday morning with a counselor Chris was seeing and also is with our church. Every other Thursday night is a support group for Alex to be able to grieve positively (not a counseling facility). I then listened to my voicemail and tried to call the animal shelter back from yesterday but they didn't answer. I then went and got my tooth checked out because after my upper respiratory infection it hurt just doing stairs but the day after I called to get an appointment the pain went away but still decided to go see if there was something. They did an x-ray (and at the end didn't charge me for it) and it showed nothing. Dentist thought it might have been from the sinus pressure. Thank God. I then later try the animal shelter again and they sent out an officer to make sure I didn't have the cat. I then had to go identify the cat for them even though they had the paper work from Sunday. The shelter is making it bigger than what it is. They will probably put Casper down because they said even though he didn't bite the tooth made an open abrasion so it is considered a bite. Work went well. We have inventory July 13th and my section that I was assigned to get ready on Friday is half way done. Today went by fast. My counselor said I am doing well. She also feels like I do and still have contact with Chris' side at holidays. She said Chris distant himself from them and so should I. (maybe he wasn't so un-smart about this) :) Actually, he was smart about almost everything. We did talk about everything that went on these past 3 weeks and she was for the most part proud of me and what I did to confront, set boundaries, and make my decisions for me and Alex. She was not happy about me calling Chris' cousin and not telling her that mom was listening or on the other line but was glad of what I said but I don't need to defend myself of what I am doing to the reason why I didn't call her back in the time frame she wanted. I just need to say I was busy. Otherwise, she is getting the info she wants to have control. My counselor even said that this person has even called her to talk about Alex and I but since there is no release form my counselor didn't talk about it and when Sue kept leaving messages and becoming a bother she called her back to tell her she is not releasing things to her and if she wants to talk about her life to make an appointment. Sue hasn't called since. My counselor took this as Sue having the control and trying to control how I raise Alex. I knew Sue called once about how I discipline Alex(that it is not enough) because counselor told me that when I brought up about being a positive enforcer. But I didn't know that she kept calling and leaving messages for counselor about other things. So we are happy with holidays for now. I release Chris' side to God and pray that His will will be done and that He will bring someone (not me or my family) to minister to them. I am HAPPY!!! This is the day the Lord has made and I am rejoicing and being glad in it. I was also okay with Alex not wanting to talk to me much. I know when she is intent in something it is hi and bye. I pray though that she gets outside and plays instead of sitting in front of tv or computer all day. When I called today she was at the computer and Anthony was outside playing.

My prayer is that God will give me the strength I need to get through Thursday and Friday. I pray that He will also help motivate those who want to lose weight and help us to become healthy. I pray for those who need jobs (Bart) and needs more hours (Ken). I thank Sarah for getting the schedule and where to meet worked out for us. I praise God for all He has done and that He is helping me grow closer to Him. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!!!!

The Weekend of helping

My little dancer has grown into a godly woman!!

Good Evening, This weekend was busy. Between helping make pasta and getting ready for a graduation party to helping out work on Sunday to tearing down the graduation party. I stayed and helped tear down the tables and chairs and did the dishes for my friend Janet Sunday night. Afterwards, there were some of their friends that were talking with one another still there. It was a great time of fellowship. It ended up that they have been praying for me since February. We were talking about core friendships and I said yes, Janet is one of mine. Someone who you can call day or night and they will be there. I said matter of fact the Friday my husband died my mom had her called to be with me and she even followed me at 11pm to my parents up north. Shocking me, they said so you are the one who needed our prayers that night. I didn't realize that Janet had her small group over for dinner that Friday night. I asked her as she was walking me to the car after everyone else had left, why did you leave your company for me? Why didn't you tell me you had company? She said, the lasanga just got out of the oven when she got the phone call. She said that she cares so much for my family and this was a time that she really needed to come for me. She doesn't know this but I cried all the way home. Tears of joy. She and her family have always been there for me when I am going through crisis. In eigth grade I lived with them for awhile while I was dealing with issues of competing with Jennifer and dealing with emotions I didn't know I had with others. She was there in fall of 2000 when I couldn't find the church God was calling me to, so she suggested First Assembly of God. It is now my church home. She was there a year and half ago when I needed a friend to talk to about my marriage. She even helped explain the illnesses that Chris was battling. God is amazing how he uses others to help others and brings friendships together not having us realize at the time how we will help each other. She understood how Chris felt and helped my marriage by helping me see his view. These people were so easy to talk to and they even asked if I was at church to hear the message but I was at work, so I will see if it is on the website to listen to it. It is about questioning God, why didn't He heal this person like He did others? and so on. (according to these friends of Janets)

I can't believe Katie(graduate) is so grown up now. I still see her as a little dancing princess at age 2-6 twirlling in her living room. Here is another one of her pictures of her grown. This one is Alex's favorite.
Tonight I had dinner with my mother, who I cherish as well. She has been there for me as well. We had a nice time. I am looking forward to her company Saturday as I drive Alex to Peru, IL to meet Sarah half way to get my daughter for camp. I have counseling tomorrow and we will probably talk about what has been going on with his side. But I am choosing to not hang on to it. I am releasing it tomorrow and moving on to live life.

I am animalless. I ended up getting rid of Casper (chris' favorite cat) My adoptive g'pa that his vein got involved with the cats tooth got infected and went to er. Plus he hasn't been behaving. He would go #2 in litter box but #1 on the old living room carpet and did it right in front of me Sunday morning. So Alex and I took him Sunday afternoon to the shelter. I felt bad for her because it was the link left that she had that she had in common with her dad. She also said I could get rid of her hamster this Friday but, this morning I woke up to feed it and he had climbed on his wheel and water bottle and ate his way out of his cage. I am making it clear to Sue this Thursday no more pets/animals. Now I am saving up for a new carpet for living room since it soaked in all the way because it started after Chris' death. Someone told me cats retaliate when change of routine or upset about something.

I pray for healing of sickness tonight, Anthony, Aunt Arlona, Barbara, and any others I don't know of. I pray for guidance and peace this week. I pray for Alex on issues my parents and I are frustrated with. I pray for Anthony's behavior and anger issues. I pray for jobs to those who need them and for those who need more hours. I thank God for all He has answered and will be answering. I praise God for healing of relationships and for His plan for each one of us. I thank God for our core friendship groups. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.