Thursday, October 22, 2009

It is finally here. The day of my first trip back home to visit. I am leaving tomorrow night and will drive all night. I am praying we won't get sick from those who are sick right now. I am excited to be coming to see friends and family. However, I am not seeing one side because I am not ready to. Alex and I went for a drive tonight and we had a nice talk. I asked her if she was excited to be going home and she said kinda. I told her that I am excited but I am liking it here. She said yes mom me too. :) She loved the ride! Work is going well and the hype about the N1H1 is helping us stay busy. Seems like everyone is running to doctor even for a cough. I am praying for a hard decision that I am going to have to make tomorrow. I have researched and read up on things and I think I am ready to stand ground. God will let me know what to do. I just turned my calendar to Oct. 23rd and it says Therefore I tell you whatever you ask in prayer believe that you have received it and it will be yours. Thank you God for this word. I have seen you fulfill this over and over.

My neighbor was on facebook tonight and we talked. She said still no sign of the bank people and the bushes in front of house are beautiful especially the red one. Maybe I should take my house key and spend night there Sat. so we don't get sick.

I hit my first animal tonight. It was 2 huge raccoons. They stopped in middle of my lane and there was an oncoming car so I couldn't swerve. I breaked but not enough space to. I felt bad but then told Alex the farmers will be happy.

Alex and I had a good time tonight. Thank you God.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I Am Listening God!!!

Ok, all day today God has been speaking to me. This morning in church it was the message I give to Alex all the time. Which is worry about yourself. I need to stop praying for others to change and pray for change in my life. Which God has been doing. I have been benefiting from the changes He has made because I am living in His fullness and happiness. Then I get home and I read a note on facebook from a friend and she leaves this..."Have you ever found your life to be over-complicated? Ever been in those times when it seems everything piles on you at the same time? I've been there recently.

It seems when you have thing to do, places to be, plus on top of that things don't go really the way you want them to, you get stuck in feeling less then, bottom of the totum poll, and insecure in almost everyway. Don't forget that you have your own issues, plus the issues of others to process through. This is where I've been. Needing to process through the muck of my life and feeling as though there is no one whom I trust to process it with. I search around, go down my list of "trusted" people, and still find no one to whom I want to bear my soul...but of course bearing my soul would take hours and/or probably days!

What God has shown me through my struggle to deal is that all my fountains are in him! Everything I need I can find in him. This isn't to say I don't need or want a human element in my life, but if I look around and no one is there he is faithful always! I find things get beyond what I can bear, that I can take it to him and the load gets lesser. Problem is I feel like we always want a quick fix, a one time only prayer and everything is better. But I think God doesn't do that in order to establish a pattern. The pattern he wants to establish is that we always run to him...things get tough we are running to him.

I have to confess...I don't always involve God in my issues recently more than asking him what the heck is going on?! But I find when I take more time to be with him and involve him that I can deal better.

So thanx Daddy God for being consistantly around for me...I'm sorry I overlook you and your ability at times..help me to do better at involving you."

It is so true of me, I go to humans before God and then I don't tell all because do I really want them to know or do I want to burden them or do I trust them fully. I was looking for a quick fix a couple months ago and I didn't get it so now I am here and have healed alot and grown alot. I raked leaves today for 2 and 1/2 hours just me and my God talking, reminiscing on all He has done to change me and mold me and thanking and praising Him for all He has done. Even some prayers for others needs (not to change them though) I thank God for bringing me a long way thus far. I am waiting for the next direction.

Then in service tonight God spoke to me about what happened Friday night. I was boasting about how much I can handle and I did wrong for me because I was searching for the sinificance of friendship. It was not me being me or what I believe in. It was me wanting to be liked and fit in. So I am sorry for being a fake this past Friday night. I apologize to those who I boasted to about it as well. God is working, Amen!