I Am Listening God!!!

Ok, all day today God has been speaking to me. This morning in church it was the message I give to Alex all the time. Which is worry about yourself. I need to stop praying for others to change and pray for change in my life. Which God has been doing. I have been benefiting from the changes He has made because I am living in His fullness and happiness. Then I get home and I read a note on facebook from a friend and she leaves this..."Have you ever found your life to be over-complicated? Ever been in those times when it seems everything piles on you at the same time? I've been there recently.

It seems when you have thing to do, places to be, plus on top of that things don't go really the way you want them to, you get stuck in feeling less then, bottom of the totum poll, and insecure in almost everyway. Don't forget that you have your own issues, plus the issues of others to process through. This is where I've been. Needing to process through the muck of my life and feeling as though there is no one whom I trust to process it with. I search around, go down my list of "trusted" people, and still find no one to whom I want to bear my soul...but of course bearing my soul would take hours and/or probably days!

What God has shown me through my struggle to deal is that all my fountains are in him! Everything I need I can find in him. This isn't to say I don't need or want a human element in my life, but if I look around and no one is there he is faithful always! I find things get beyond what I can bear, that I can take it to him and the load gets lesser. Problem is I feel like we always want a quick fix, a one time only prayer and everything is better. But I think God doesn't do that in order to establish a pattern. The pattern he wants to establish is that we always run to him...things get tough we are running to him.

I have to confess...I don't always involve God in my issues recently more than asking him what the heck is going on?! But I find when I take more time to be with him and involve him that I can deal better.

So thanx Daddy God for being consistantly around for me...I'm sorry I overlook you and your ability at times..help me to do better at involving you."

It is so true of me, I go to humans before God and then I don't tell all because do I really want them to know or do I want to burden them or do I trust them fully. I was looking for a quick fix a couple months ago and I didn't get it so now I am here and have healed alot and grown alot. I raked leaves today for 2 and 1/2 hours just me and my God talking, reminiscing on all He has done to change me and mold me and thanking and praising Him for all He has done. Even some prayers for others needs (not to change them though) I thank God for bringing me a long way thus far. I am waiting for the next direction.

Then in service tonight God spoke to me about what happened Friday night. I was boasting about how much I can handle and I did wrong for me because I was searching for the sinificance of friendship. It was not me being me or what I believe in. It was me wanting to be liked and fit in. So I am sorry for being a fake this past Friday night. I apologize to those who I boasted to about it as well. God is working, Amen!