Saturday, October 3, 2009

Yesterday marked 8 months if you go by day of week but numberwise it is the 6th. I want to thank you for the encouragement today. Today's scripture is perfect for today. Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (We see and experience the glory of God when we are feeling high emotionally but we live it out in the valleys mostly thinking we are not good enough)

What I don't understand is this concept. The concept of Jesus is a man right? and I define myself by man. So why can't I define myself in Jesus? I think this is why I am having problems coping with Chris being gone. I have always had a man define who and what I do. I am not a loner, I need someone. But this was one of my prayers for several years that I would find who I am in Christ and who I am period.

I'm gonna tie these sunchips up and hopefully get some sleep. It is 11:45pm.
Today is not a good day as far as emotions. Yesterday marked 8 months, but I didn't show it yesterday. I made it special for Delphia. I got up this morning after falling asleep after 4am. I got myself around and out of the house to go help Don in his yard again but I only could do it for an hour. I am soooooo sorry Don, I can't stand others seeing me crying and plus I kept seeing men and thinking other thoughts. I was crying most of time and then when it became worse to be noticible I left. As soon as I got in car the song I will rise played, which made even more tears.
I have been thinking since probably 10 minutes after getting to Don's house when one of the kids said "if there was such a thing as a magic wand I would wish for the yard and house to be done and to be rich." I said I wouldn't want to be rich and he said "why you could buy a house" I said "because when you are rich it tends to turn your mind to worldly things instead of to God. I have a beautiful house in heaven." This made me miss my beautiful big house in Fort Wayne and my babylonian life I had there. I want it but don't.

So, now Alex is watching a movie and I am going to get off here and go to bed again.Mom just called and talked to Alex don't know if she wanted to talk to me or not. Alex doesn't understand why I am crying. I am so thankful she is not as bad as me over the loss of Chris. I am tired of these emotions popping up now and then especially when I need to do things. People are probably tired of Chris coming up in conversations. It seems no matter what conversation it is it is like Chris did that or Chris and I would do that or he taught me how etc.

Right now I feel like going to a buffet and just eat forever. Why am I here and have such a great daughter?
It's 2:45am and I am still awake. I am so tired I can't sleep. I wrote a blog earlier but it turned out to be more of a diary than a post. And no I am not tending my farms to stay awake because the system is having errors, even to the Fort Wayne friend who has 12 farms. Thank God I have tomorrow I mean today off. I think I will see if I can get news here on line to put me to sleep. Hopefully, I will be able to get up before noon to go help Don.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

What a Great way to celebrate my 100th blog

Today I worked on three cakes for Delphia's birthday. She will be seven in 20 minutes. I got 2 cakes done before going to work and the third done after. They turned out ok not to my liking of what I wanted but I did my best for the time I had to make her day special. We are always more critical of our own things than what others are of us.Delphia's favorite color is pink so there is a lot of pink. I chose to do a princess crown because she is God's princess and I just found out today that Don calls her princess #2.

On Friday night I asked three of the McCallum children what their favorite Bible verse was and Delphia's was John 3:16. I was doing well on this cake until the tip fell off the frosting bag when writing the verse. I repaired it and it is a humble experience because it goes to show that we are not perfect.

When Delphia found out that I was going to be making her cakes a couple days ago she asked for an Aurora cake and Sarah and I told her probably not since I didn't have a pan or time. So when I went to get cake boards and supplies I came across a small Aurora doll and was going to do a heart shape but for some reason chose round. Wish I would've went with heart but oh well. I hope no one(Alex) told her so she will be surprised. For those who don't know Aurora is aka Sleeping Beauty.


So Delphia, in 5 minutes you will be 7 and I want to be the first to congratulate you on one more year of loving Jesus. My prayer for you is that as you grow older you will see how God has worked in and through you and that you will put your trust in Him forever. I love you and hope you have a special day. Remember you are always God's little princess and your dad's little girl.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

99 Bottles on the wall

Today I am writing my 99th post but 3 are drafts of personal prayers for friends and family, what first came to mind was the song 99 bottles on the wall one fell off and then there were 98 bottles on the wall... I am just going to say, I love all of you and I am praying for a miracle of repentance and revival to occur throughout the world and have our focus on Jesus Christ again.

I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal 2:20

No one can define love without defining God. No one can explain love without explaining God. And God can only be defined or explained in Jesus Christ.

Tonight in the adult group at church we were in the book of Psalms. We were in chapter 42 vs 1 and 2 but I had flipped to the next page before turning it to the correct one. I saw a prayer I wrote by later verses in 42 for Chris' salvation and I even dated it for some odd reason. It was 10-31-06 so tonight I wrote thank you Jesus for answering prayer in 12/07 :) It made me happy, even though I prayed prior to that day for his salvation that was the day I started praying deeper for him. Praise God. I try not to put God in a box but it does happen time to time but He can not fit into a box, He has plans already and Alex and I are waiting for His time and voice.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I pray for wisdom and understanding as I continue to lean on You. Guide and direct my path that it will be honoring to You. I thank You for Your timing and provisions. I thank You for providing for our needs and the smooth happy transition. I pray that You will show me the way You want me to be a Daniel and give me the strength I need to do that. I do not want to be a Babylonian gal. I love Your way and have a deep desire to know You more. I love you God. I ask if You you could please let Chris know we love him and miss him. Give me the comfort and love that I need right now. Let me feel You so I know all I need is You. I pray for the items that are on my draft that I am not going to post since it is private to those that it involves. Be with ALL my relatives in whatever they are needing or going through. Help the ones who have strayed or don't know You come to You. I thank You for using others to bring me back 10 years ago. I thank You for what you have done for me and what You have walked me through to strengthen me. I love You. Your Daughter. p.s I am waiting and seeing. .

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Praising God today that I was at a place when my migraine hit so bad that I had someone available to drive me to a dark room and take care of Alex. I praise God that He took it away by 3pm so Alex could get some reading done for school and that I was able to worship Him tonight. God is so faithful and gracious and I adore Him for that. I am weak all the time without Him in my life.

I pray for those who are sick today that His healing hand will be on them. I pray for those who are losing their jobs or have that God will provide for their needs and show them the right one for them. Help them to keep trusting and praising You. Psalm 143:8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. I thank You for providing a position for me out here and that You are surrounding us with those who care for each other and care for You. You use them at the right time to show me that You are still beside me, thank you.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. It is so great that God gives us the right kind of peace. We often look at the world or others to find peace including myself, but that only lasts for a moment. I am so thankful that God used this past year to show me that I need to focus more on Him than on things of this world. I have come a long way but still so short of the outcome. I do my best each day.