Today I mourn with a friend as the family lost their brother/son. It was unexpected. He went in the hospital with flu symptoms and then was sent home on hospice on Monday and died sometime in the middle of the night on Tuesday. My heart goes out to them and sorry that I can't be there like for me when Chris died. The funeral is Saturday and I am helping at my uncle's 80th birthday party. He is ok with it and knows I am here for him for when he needs to talk. Love it when friends understand and know that the love is there.
So today I am writing a tribute to Chris but also writing it to God.
So many beautiful memories...Today I am remembering all the happy times we have shared and sll those special moments when just being together was all we needed. You have brought so much happiness into my life just by being you. You will always be my partner on this beautiful journey we share. I love you.(You)
For the most part we are doing well. There are days that it is harder than others. There is a day or two each week that I can't sleep well or get to sleep but God is so great that He is right here with me. I am thankful that I have a job and a daughter and a place to live. I thank you God for each trial and dilemna you allow so that my faith keeps growing. I thank you for the motivation to pack my lunch and not eat out hardly anymore and that in 26 days I have lost 10 pounds. I pray you will help me to keep it up.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentine's Day
Today is Valentines Day and I can't help to say that God is my Valentine. A commercial from Hallmark this year got me thinking. The mom says that her kids asked her who is her valentine and she said daddy is and they say no your valentine is someone who you tell your secrets to and share stories with and want to do things with. She said well that is daddy too. God is my all and all and He knows my secrets, and wants to live life with me. and He wrote my life story. He also gave me my other valentine, Alex, she has my love and I really adore the young lady she is going to be. I pray that she will hunger and thirst for God and know He is always there even when she can't feel Him. God please give my love to Chris for me as well. We miss him very much and we thank you for your blessing for saving him when you did.
Today we went to church and instead of going to alter for prayer I went to give glory and praise to God. He provided strength through others to keep me praying and praising Him for Chris' salvation and after 8 yrs did, and then when I was feeling like Job and it seemed all was taken away from me I still praised His name and kept praying for healing of marriage and illness and He healed marriage and Chris is no longer in pain and this past year when I was angry with God and others God heard my heart and prayers and walked through this yr with me and He took the anger and despair and turned it into love and compassion for Him. I praised Him today for what happened earlier this week, I was at work on Wed and under my breath I said people piss me off, and my pharmacy mgr said where is your faith today? It made me think how was the rest of the people I encounter that day view me? But through this it let me know that God is working quietly in my workplace. Praising God. The Holy Spirit was strong today as when I was praising Him at the alter my hand and arm shook and I couldn't stop it. I asked the children's pastor if this was normal and he said to some yes, and it might be that God is letting you know that He is still in control and not me. I am used to people speaking in tongues but not shaking like I felt but it was a good feeling of shakenness. It was like it was too much for me to feel God's presence and reminded me of the people of the bible that saw God and became blinded or aged due to the massive encounter of God.
There has been times where I wanted to give up on prayers and God because it didn't seem like God cared but then my friends and family helped me stick with it and the reward of God is so great. There is no circumstance that God doesn't care about. He cares for you and also knows the big picture so please keep praying and praising His name. He is there even when you don't feel or see Him. I know this from experience which seems like most of the time but as I look back on things good and bad I see where He was with me in everything either beside me or carrying me or leading me or even watching me from behind and would catch me when I fall backwards. Praise His Name forever and ever.
Thank you God for being my Valentine and giving me valentines of family and friends. Help me this week shine for you and not have the earthly circumstances dictate who I am and respond. I love you.
Today we went to church and instead of going to alter for prayer I went to give glory and praise to God. He provided strength through others to keep me praying and praising Him for Chris' salvation and after 8 yrs did, and then when I was feeling like Job and it seemed all was taken away from me I still praised His name and kept praying for healing of marriage and illness and He healed marriage and Chris is no longer in pain and this past year when I was angry with God and others God heard my heart and prayers and walked through this yr with me and He took the anger and despair and turned it into love and compassion for Him. I praised Him today for what happened earlier this week, I was at work on Wed and under my breath I said people piss me off, and my pharmacy mgr said where is your faith today? It made me think how was the rest of the people I encounter that day view me? But through this it let me know that God is working quietly in my workplace. Praising God. The Holy Spirit was strong today as when I was praising Him at the alter my hand and arm shook and I couldn't stop it. I asked the children's pastor if this was normal and he said to some yes, and it might be that God is letting you know that He is still in control and not me. I am used to people speaking in tongues but not shaking like I felt but it was a good feeling of shakenness. It was like it was too much for me to feel God's presence and reminded me of the people of the bible that saw God and became blinded or aged due to the massive encounter of God.
There has been times where I wanted to give up on prayers and God because it didn't seem like God cared but then my friends and family helped me stick with it and the reward of God is so great. There is no circumstance that God doesn't care about. He cares for you and also knows the big picture so please keep praying and praising His name. He is there even when you don't feel or see Him. I know this from experience which seems like most of the time but as I look back on things good and bad I see where He was with me in everything either beside me or carrying me or leading me or even watching me from behind and would catch me when I fall backwards. Praise His Name forever and ever.
Thank you God for being my Valentine and giving me valentines of family and friends. Help me this week shine for you and not have the earthly circumstances dictate who I am and respond. I love you.
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