Good Afternoon, I had a nice day helping dad with room. After they left at 3 or 4 I got out my wedding album and looked through it. I cried but I also felt the love still. I decided to scan some pictures to share. The deck I wasn't too crazy about when he did it, is so lovely to have. I sat out there this afternoon just admiring his creativity and compassion. God had a beautiful day for that. I hope to see you soon. Take care and all of you are in my prayers. Please pray for my cousin Barb who got her cancer back and has now spread to her liver. God is Loving!!!!

Good Morning, I got up at 7am and just layed and meditated. The others got up at 8 and so I fixed pancakes and sausage links for them. Last night I remembered I can't grill tonight because there is a co-workers birthday party at IHOP tonight. Dad and I are getting started in tackling the room project. Hope you have a great day. I know Alex will, she is going with Aunt Jennifer for a fun day.

Good Evening, I am sitting out on my deck typing while Alex is riding her bike around half the block. She is so fun. She stops at our driveway each time to blow a kiss and hug to me. Casper (our cat) is out here with me. Today was a good day. Stressful at times but overall good. I did however go 48 hours without doing my bad habit. Then I had one and literally got sick. I got out of my car and just hurled next to my driveway. I guess that means I am over my habit. I haven't stopped for a pop in the morning before work and tonight was the only time after work since Tuesday I picked one up. I have been drinking water this week and I actually have gotten through the day. Yawning a lot though. Tonight at 6:30pm I had to go get some things from another store and bring to mine and it was great timing because as I started the car I Will Rise was just starting to play.

Tonight my parents are at Sala concert which I couldn't go because I had to work til 7pm. They are spending the night here tonight to save gas and time for tomorrow so my dad can help me with my room. Alex got home around 7:30 after going Putt-Putt with cousin Sue. Tomorrow I am debating on grilling and eating on the deck. I hope the weather is nice and I feel like I can with Chris not being here.

My prayer tonight is that God will control Alex's attitudes (which she had prior to Feb.) and continue to show her she is loved. I pray that God will continue to work in our lives and show Himself to us. I am thankful that God has given Alex and I the strength that we need to go on with life. I thank God for His compassion and comfort. I pray that our faith will continue to grow stronger as He leads. I continue to pray for healing of the sick and the broken hearts. I thank God for all He has done and said to us through these past months. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

God thank you for being my sweetheart! Chris thank you for being my sweetheart also!

Good Evening, Today was a beautiful day!!! God has helped me with my bad habit for 24 hours now. : ) Also, the past two days I haven't stopped to get a pop in the morning or evening, I've been drinking water. God is GREAT!! Today my new store manager, which is one of Chris' old ones who he liked) came back to the pharmacy and handed me an envelope from the benefit fund. Walgreen's has a hardship benefit fund that my old store mgr. sent in for me to help out with bills, it wasn't a guarantee that they will help. But God helped. They didn't help with medical bills from when Chris was hospitalized but they helped by paying my utilities and mortgage for 1 month. So I praise God for guiding their decision to help me out.

Yesterday, Bart and dad came down to help me with the bedroom project that later Aunt Dodie and Aunt Arlona will help me with as well. The men cut a huge hole in the 100 yr old wall to make a nick-knack/movie case inside the wall. (which Chris had in his sketch book) They didn't get done so dad will help me again on Saturday. Even though they cleaned as they went it was still dusty smelling last night so I slept on the couch.

On Tuesday I had counseling and my counselor said I am doing things right and am doing well in the grieving/living on. She agreed with me not to talk to Chris' side right now because for one I can not help them heal about things that were broken in their family before meeting Chris, and that I need to be stronger and healed more before talking about the other things because they will twist my words probably as they have proved that in the past. So that was a relief that she knows where I am coming from and told me to do what I was thinking from my blog a week ago.

My prayer tonight is that God will send the right person(s) to be a witness to his side of the family. I thank Him for all He has and is going to do for us. I pray that He will heal the sick and weary. I thank Him for healing Alex. I pray that He will continue to show us His presence and comfort. I thank Him for revealing Himself to me throughout this past week. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

Dear God,

Thank you for today for giving me peace and comfort throughout the day. We were busy but You helped me stay stress free and calm. I felt Your hands around me today and I appreciate that. I am thankful for Your love and forgiveness. Help me to continue to remember Chris and I am thankful you used Alex and I and family to shine Your love to him so that he could be there with you. I know You knew before we were born that this was going to happen, I don't understand why but I am trusting You because You have ALL things planned out perfectly. Please let him know that I still love and miss him so much. Help fill this emptiness with your love. I thank You for the love story we have and the beautiful little girl that You gave us. Help his family to heal and to seek You. I continue to pray for friends and family that need Your healing touch for sickness, disease, cancer, despair, and salvation. I continue to praise You for everything You have and going to do for us. I give you all my worries and pain and myself to You and I pray you will do Your will with them. I just can't thank you enough for being a forgiving, merciful, loving God. Help me to become more stronger in my faith and life. I thank you for helping me with the emotions I don't want that I've had for the past couple weeks. I praise Your Name. Thank you so much and continue to hold me this week. Love Always, LA

Dearest Chris,

I love you so much. I am sorry that the medication and doctors didn't help you. I just wish you could've waited for God to heal you. I understand though because the pain was so bad. I never told you how much I felt your pain. I am sorry and I am so glad that you found God two years ago. I just wish that your faith would've been stronger. Alex is doing well, better than me, I think. She is now starting back up saying sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite, before bed. She loves you too. It's been hard living in this house you designed. I am trying to get along with your brother and sister-n-law. But you know how they are. Please continue to pray with me for peace and comfort in that area. You know you were and I am still hurt by them. I got rid of poky today because I think she is the one that keeps messing the carpet plus she didn't like you. I have your cat that likes to snuggle at night with me.(reminds me of you but furrier) I gave Sue 2 of your 3 rosaries since she knows what they are and I don't. I kept one for Alex for later so she has a piece of your childhood. Thank you for leaving rough drafts of notes I didn't keep to remind me of our love story. You are such a great writer. Sue gave me a lot of cake pans and she told me she knows how much I enjoy doing cakes that I might want to sell cakes. That was so hard to take from her because you kept telling me that and even had a brag book of cakes to show people. I remember the time you came home and said I got you an order for a 3-tier wedding cake and 2 sheet cakes for a wedding. We did it!! My first one but we did it. We even made our own wedding cake. I enjoyed that, not many people can say they made their own together. Thank you for loving me and Alex so much that you put us at the top of the list. Love Always, Hunnybunny

Hope God Blessed your Easter as He did mine

Good Afternoon, Today is going well. I didn't get up at 6am like planned so Alex and I didn't go to Holy Cross. Ken called at 8am and said he is on his way not realizing I wasn't going to the 9am service but the 10:30 service. We went together and God took the anger away from me and I was able to rejoice and praise His Name. They also played I will rise from Chris Tomlin which is one of my songs that got me through the first couple of weeks and when I need to hear it God sends it still. We had a great lunch that Jennifer and mom helped with. They took Alex to go see Anthony and have an easter egg hunt. Kenneth stayed with me. He helped me a lot today by helping get the love seat out of my bedroom and helped me move the bed so when the workers need to get to the windows they can. He also took down the cement stumps that was propping the bed up. So now I just have a mattress on the floor. He helped Bart load the frig that was in the garage into his truck so they can have it. Right now I am enjoying the peace and quiet just thinking of all God has done for me. While moving things in the bedroom I did come across a box that had some of Chris' things in it. I went through it and found his class ring, rosary, and pen/pencil set. Also in it was a rough draft of the note he put with my "biggest" ring for our 5th anniversary, it made me tear up because it said that we've been through good and bad times but with the love of God and eachother we have survived and will continue to have great times and when we celebrate our 10 year we will look back and smile and laugh. He also said that in the next 5 years lets try to teach Alex the important things and truth and love. This December would've been 7 years married and this August would have been 10 years together. I am praising God that Chris is in no more pain and suffering. God has given me that peace that He is a forgiving and healing God and that Chris wouldn't have done this if he was in his right mind.

Jennifer and Alex just arrived back and Jennifer had me listen to her church's sermon, while I did that she took Alex to the park. Wow, I saved the sermon. Jesus died on a Friday and so did Chris but Friday DIDN'T END!!! I am not going to let Friday end there. Jesus has my name and knows how to help me through. I am not going to cry over it because I know the end result. Jesus asked Mary M. why are you crying? Our Lord has fulfilled His promise and is Risen. Hallelujah!!!! Thank you Jennifer for this suggestion. If any of you want to hear this go to www.fmcfw.org then go to downloads and first selection then April 12th.

My prayer today is that He will continue to reveal Himself to me and to others. I thank God for the ultimate sacrifice He has given and fulfilling His promise. I thank Him for healing Alex and keeping her healthy these past several days. I thank Him for friends and family as well. I pray that He will heal the sick, wounded, and the broken hearts in His timing and give the patience to us who wait for His timing. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord!