It is almost midnight. I had counseling today and she was overwhelmed (good way) by all the at peace and joy words I had. She then told me that the wait a year thing was text book and she believes this is where God is directing me now and He has opened the doors. She would stop me if it was to go live near a guy that I met on internet or something or to run away from life. I told her I have declutter my life to be a mom that I have always wanted to be to Alex. She didn't even know who she was talking to. She had forgotten this person. I told her it is because I have been in Iowa and also separated myself from people and things the enemy tries to get me down with. I am surrounding myself with good healthy people. She grew up half an hour north of Des Moines. One of my favorite guest speakers from First Assembly died Monday night of cancer. Mom even liked what he had to say. Nancy told me this tonight. I am going to miss her but I will call her and email. She loved how I stood up for myself on the phone to Sue that mom listened in on the other week. She was saying go girl about me telling Sue how I make the decisions not others because I am Alex's mother. Counseling and reading the boundaries book has really helped. Nancy gave me another title to read that is by the same author as boundaries called saved people, I think, it's written on paper out in the car. I have to read it before taking my ring off and dating. She also said I will know when it is time to take off my ring because it will be a feeling beyond understanding.
I will see her Sunday because I forgot to take her the gifts I am giving her. (sit down to read next thing) the gifts are 3 Mickey mugs because she loves mickey as well and she drinks coffee. I did keep some for myself. I am also giving her a mickey snowglobe because she helped Chris and I with our marriage of communicating with one another after becoming sober two winters ago.

You know what is funny, I am missing Iowa right now but at the same time missing here as well. Can I be split in two so I can be two places at once? I better go to bed. I got a long day ahead. I am not tired yet but will try to get there.
I got my pantry packed, games and puzzles, hutch items packed, mickey as well. I just a few dishes still and my clothes then I believe I am done.
As far as renting a truck it is very costly. It will be cheaper doing several trips.

I have to turn in my internet connection tomorrow(Friday) so unless I write in the morning I won't be on for a short time. I will try to use other sources to write on blogs but no guarantees. I love all of you.

My headache is doing better but I had to take maxalt and ibuprofen again this morning to get through the day. Tomorrow I have to turn in my internet connection so I won't be on til Sept. unless I use Sarah's on the days I will be out there taking things back and forth. I have counseling tonight since she was sick on Tuesday. I am trying to get motivated on packing the rest of the things so I will be done and can just take trips back and forth to move. It is depressing here with nothing on walls and shelves.

Here is a cute saying for today that a regular customer told us he is in his 90's... I named my old car, do you know what I named it? I named it constipated because it couldn't pass anything.

I found out today that since I was in a 50 zone that they only do 10 over in order to do the deferred so it now will show on my license for 7 years and cost me 141.50. So I will now set my cruise control more often or atleast when I have a migraine. I'm ok with it, it was my mistake and I don't have a huge mortgage anymore to pay. I am proud of myself for this being the 1st in over 11 years.

I got up this morning at 8 and laid in bed til 9 and then Alex and I did errands before meeting friends at Chuckie Cheeses. Then after 4 hours there we went and got a new cell phone plan. I messed with phone and converted pictures over for over an hour then mom showed up to do hers and dads. We therefore lost track of time and Jennifer was frustrated because the location of meeting plus us being late was not connected right. It hurt to see her frustrated then time didn't allow us to see much of the zoo together nor eat together.

Before leaving zoo though Alex got two real peacock feathers for me. They were not from a full grown one. It's a long story on why she did this. So when or if you think of it when we are together I will tell you.

I have another headache tonight almost a migraine but not quite. I also opened the mail that was delivered today from me holding it since Thursday. In it was a card from Sue and inside it was a copy of the letter Chris wrote her that she happened to have laminated for herself and pointed out parts of it when we went out for Alex's birthday which wasn't even about Alex that night by their choosing. Why she sent this to me I don't know except to make me feel bad all over again, but I am choosing to not let it disturb me so much. Yes, it hurts but I am not going to dwell on it like I have in the past or at least I am praying I won't.

On my new phone I can check email and facebook but can't respond so if you need to write me you can but I won't respond or post once my internet is canceled here until I get there and I don't know when the cut off will be so don't fret if you don't hear from me for a couple of weeks.

Hope your week is going well. Mine is for the most part. I am excited to see what God has in store for Alex's and my journey together. Please keep us in your prayers and those who are helping us that we will be safe and injury free.

Going Crazy!!

I am not doing well emotionally. The walls are now bare and there are piles of items everywhere. I didn't realize what I have become knowing Chris. I am a clean finatic when it comes to organization. I am also feeling down because as I pack I am packing the memories and reliving them. Alex said tonight in the car on the way home from having dinner with family,too bad daddy is not here to see the changes and see disney next year. I said he will in spirit and she said and in our hearts. I am thinking if he was here this wouldn't be happening but I don't tell her that. I am so angry at the enemy right now. Where I get my jewelry one of the guys there must not of known about Chris because he asked as he was inspecting my diamond where is your hubby? I told him and he said sorry and he understands somewhat because his step daughter has Chris' illnesses and he is experiencing the same as I did. I have friends and distant relatives who are breaking their vows. God and many of you know, I struggled to stay in my marriage but I did and now I am thankful because the enemy lost, but I see the enemy winning in illnesses and marriages and it frustrates me. I just want to sock him one over and over. I want to beat him til he is dead for what he did to my loving little family. I picture over and over in my mind of beating and kicking him. I bind your evil ways in the name of Jesus. I cast out the impurities of my life and those who know Christ in Jesus Name. YOU WILL NOT WIN!!!!

I tried calling to see how much my stupidity cost me and I won't know til 7 to 14 days when it will be in the system. Then it is up to the prosecutor's office to decide if I can do the deferred program. But, I don't know if it was because it wasn't so humid out or what but the air in the car worked today too good. Yesterday, it started blowing warm air out so I had my windows down to cool off. As, mom said, things have been going smoothly and I needed a bump in the road sometime.

Tonight or tomorrow I will work on packing blankets and towels. I need to buy a cooler as well so I can transport my frozen food. Anybody, with trucks who wants to help move me is more than welcome to. It's 8 hours from my house. Round trip will take most of day. I am moving Aug. 31 to hopefully be done by Sept. 7.

Ouch! Sorry for not focusing

What is it driving home from Iowa that I seem to get a migraine. I was 30 miles from home and I was concentrating on getting home not realizing the speed limit changed and with a pounding head and air not working so the wind sound not helping, I got pulled over. Ouch!! I am doing better now that I took a maxalt and have been home for 2 hours with my eyes closed. But am not looking forward to calling to see what this may cause me. I didn't mean to be going over but I guess it serves me right for past days of going over on purpose. Good thing I have 0 points and good record I can see about deferred program that if I don't do wrong for a year it won't show up on insurance. Lets hope!!! I am going back to bed. Talk to you all soon.

P.S. It was not God's will for a one bedroom apt. it was for a house that is one bedroom. I also have my own security next door, nothing better than a sherriff next door. Sure beats a guard dog that you have to clean up after. :) I chose this because I didn't want to make big decisions right away and also I want Alex and I to declutter our spiritual life of materialistic things. I want us to bond and be active together like ride bikes, walk, play games, read, scrapbook. It will be only for a little while. Plus my landlord is the mayor.