Going Crazy!!

I am not doing well emotionally. The walls are now bare and there are piles of items everywhere. I didn't realize what I have become knowing Chris. I am a clean finatic when it comes to organization. I am also feeling down because as I pack I am packing the memories and reliving them. Alex said tonight in the car on the way home from having dinner with family,too bad daddy is not here to see the changes and see disney next year. I said he will in spirit and she said and in our hearts. I am thinking if he was here this wouldn't be happening but I don't tell her that. I am so angry at the enemy right now. Where I get my jewelry one of the guys there must not of known about Chris because he asked as he was inspecting my diamond where is your hubby? I told him and he said sorry and he understands somewhat because his step daughter has Chris' illnesses and he is experiencing the same as I did. I have friends and distant relatives who are breaking their vows. God and many of you know, I struggled to stay in my marriage but I did and now I am thankful because the enemy lost, but I see the enemy winning in illnesses and marriages and it frustrates me. I just want to sock him one over and over. I want to beat him til he is dead for what he did to my loving little family. I picture over and over in my mind of beating and kicking him. I bind your evil ways in the name of Jesus. I cast out the impurities of my life and those who know Christ in Jesus Name. YOU WILL NOT WIN!!!!

I tried calling to see how much my stupidity cost me and I won't know til 7 to 14 days when it will be in the system. Then it is up to the prosecutor's office to decide if I can do the deferred program. But, I don't know if it was because it wasn't so humid out or what but the air in the car worked today too good. Yesterday, it started blowing warm air out so I had my windows down to cool off. As, mom said, things have been going smoothly and I needed a bump in the road sometime.

Tonight or tomorrow I will work on packing blankets and towels. I need to buy a cooler as well so I can transport my frozen food. Anybody, with trucks who wants to help move me is more than welcome to. It's 8 hours from my house. Round trip will take most of day. I am moving Aug. 31 to hopefully be done by Sept. 7.