Why is this happening? Who to trust on earth?

I am ready to end everything in my life and shelter Alex and I from everyone. I am tired of drama with Chris' side and tired of being lied to and questioning and feeling confused and hurt. I am tired of getting hurt. I have caught someone in lies over and over over stupid things. Now I am not sure who is the one lying, her friend or her. I see the stuff her friend said to me happening here at my house even. I also see the attitude and things that have been done that justifies the friends words. Do I cut this only family that we have left of Chris' out? Do I change my locks? Do I pretend nothing is wrong and go on and only see them occassionally? All I know is that this wouldn't happen if Chris was here. Take that back it did. We talked about over and over and chose not to say anything so these people don't feel rejected. It was nice last week, even though I was sick I was not stressed out I didn't feel judged or lied to and I didn't even dred being here talking to whoever was here. Should I not have them so my life will be peaceful and relaxing more or since they are family pray and let it go? Does God want the family torn apart like this or is someone wanting this? I had to help Chris with his mental illness and ups and downs and depressing times, do I stay and help with their mentality? I don't need this. I want a happy trusting extended family. If I change the locks will they try to break in to get things that are handed down to Alex? Only their daughter will talk to them does that say something? I want Alex to grow up loving and praising the Lord not blaming or resenting family. Chris and I always took her out of these situations and now we are living these situations. I am so upset right now at him. It is even in his goodbye note that he couldn't stand how they treated him the last month of his life. I don't even want this on my plate right now because I am still sick and dealing with everything else I have to.

Today is 4 months without my friend/companion. Each day is NOT getting easier. It is getting worse. I need him here for the support and love I need. He would know what to do and say. I am glad he is no longer in pain but why do I need to go through this while dealing with the aftermath of his affairs and trying to provide for my family? Thank you for your prayers on the unspoken that has been answered and it has been 12 days. Please keep praying for me and Alex as the Lord puts us on your hearts. I love all of you. As for me and my house I want to serve the Lord

Pictures of room

Good Afternoon, I hope you are doing well. I am still fighting this viral. I think my parents have it as well. I got some pictures of the room from Aunt Arlona and I will post them. I didn't get the furniture pictures though but I will save those for another time. I hope you enjoy them as I have enjoyed their hard work during and benefiting daily since the completion. Here is the "nice" old picture of the room.

Here is Dad and Bart in front of the in-wall bookcase they built in for me. The girl team painted it though and I decorated it and even added some things after the gang left.

Here is the girl team that I owe so much to. They stayed and helped even when I was sick and with fever. They also helped entertain Alex while I slept more. That is all I have been doing, even today. I hope I am better by Wednesday when I have to go back to work.


Here are the curtains that Aunt Dodie ironed and Kenneth and I hung rods and hung them. I have 3 windows and it goes white-blue-white.

Then on Friday, dad and Bart worked on the bedroom door Dodie helped me go pick-up. To save a hundred dollars dad said he would shorten it a little for me and make the door handle hole and put the hardware on for me. So this is them working on it.

Even though I don't have pictures of my mom, sister, and Alex they are to be thanked as well. Not only did they put up with the mess of the house for our bible studies but they supported me and encouraged me along this hard decision and project. Mom talked to Alex the other night and said it's so great her dad designed the room for mom and Alex said yes, I know but he did mine. So I think I will have a couple more years seeing his artwork in her room.

I also like to thank the Baughmans (adopted grandparents) for there contribution of a blue and white lighted glass box their daughter made for my room. It really accents it. So thank you.

I can not thank each of you enough for helping me do this project. I couldn't ask for anyone else to have helped. It is as beautiful if not more beautiful than a room the home makeover show does. I hope you enjoy the pictures of my family's hardwork and time.

My prayer today is that my family will get over this sickness. I thank God for putting me in a terrific family that loves and supports one another unconditionally and in times of need. I thank God for Alex who gets my day going and wants me to be happy. Help her to know I love her and even though I work all this summer that I am doing it for her. Help her to see you for herself and not what others tell her, this summer. Have your Holy Spirit work in and through her. We put our trust in you and only you. We love you so much and thank you for all you have done and are going to do. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.