Joy ( "on ya")

Good Evening, Jennifer and I had Bible study together tonight. Mom decided to go home to relieve dad of the kids. It ended up being a good thing. Alex needed her. It was Alex's turn to pick a movie tonight and she chose one of her daddy's favorites that they watched together and she was missing him. She is trying to get $5 from me by getting up tomorrow at 5:05am to do a walk of pound video with grandma. She has to call me at 5:05am so I know that she got up. I told her it was ok if she didn't but she is persistant.

Tonight, I learned about fullness of joy. I had joy with Chris even in the midst of despair of his alcoholism. God had us make it full of joy for our daughter. He saw me for the beauty I had and it made me feel great. I felt the fullness of joy the later years of our 10 years together. The room lit up when one of us walked in. My family especially saw it at Christmas. I have even felt joy since his death. The kind of joy that makes your heart throb and swell with joy. I get this almost every night when I go to bed or walk in the bedroom. The love and time that family (who took precious days out of their lives) put into my room remodeling so I have a place of comfort and a quiet place to go be with the Lord. I also have gotten this joy by seeing and reading things of people who came to the open house that Chris and I both have touched and those who love us. My daughter also brings the gift of joy to my life. She is my very special joy that God gave me to make my heart full of joy and to keep trusting in God's promises.
Here are just some of the joys of my life:

I am waiting for the Lord for more joy in my life. Those who sow in tears now will reap with songs of joy later. The most fullfulled joy will be when Christ calls us home. Praise God. Til then I say along with Beth Moore, "on ya" (May the joy of the Lord be upon ya)She even mentioned tonight one of my favorite songs as a child which is When we all get to heaven. I just smile and imagine the beauty and love of God.

Today Alex received in the mail keys for kids devotional book from Focus on the family. I signed her up for it so we could do that together as well. I enjoyed it as a child. We would eat dinner then we would take turns each night reading the devotional book after we ate.

Jennifer wanted to go for a walk but I was in my pajamas already. So we sat and talked. I am trying not to talk about what has been going on or past hurts because I want to start living positively again. Tonight at the end of the segment of Beth Moore she talked about being royalty. One of the phrases got my attention which was "You have royal blood, now feel that way" It doesn't matter who is better dressed, or prettier or richest. We need to be like young children that when they are dressed up as princesses and knights they feel special and think everything else is what is dressed up. They act themselves not worrying if they are better. Chris and I have tried to keep Alex from drama and confrontation so she would live a positive life. Then reality kicked in when she started school. (even a private christian school)who would've thought.

I love you all, and I pray the best the Lord wants for you. I don't know and probably won't know why this took place but I do know that my faith has grown and I am still loving and trusting in Him even when I question a lot. I praise Him all the time for the joy of family and friends that I have. I pray that He will send the fullness of joy to you and your family as well.