Good Evening, It has been a few days of not wanting to write my feelings. They have been up and down. Wednesday marked 3 months since the loss of my best friend. The Beth Moore Bible study Wednesday was great. My mother even joined my sister and I. I need prayer because there is homework to do and I am the type that need the preaching to along with the answers to fill in. I thought the sessions would give some answers to the weeks homework but didn't. After they left Wednesday I was so feeling alone and so I popped in the second session. We are going to need a lot of tissues this Wednesday. After the second session (for me) ended about 11pm I went out on the deck and just poured out my feelings and needs to God. I am still waiting for Him to be the husband I need Him to be. People say to me all the time, how well I am doing and that no matter what is thrown at me I am strong. I have found who I am because of the actions and words I use. I don't see it but maybe God is already the husband I need since others see it.

Tonight Aunt Dodie called while we were eating potroast that my mom made for dinner at my house and she said my cousin Barbara that we have been praying for is off the ventalating machine and breathing on her own. She also wrote this morning to the family that she is going to fight all the way. I wish I could be closer so I can be there for the family and help be the support team. Please keep them and Barbara in your prayers especially Sunday when it is Mother's Day.

Last night was a comforting night. My friend Janet that I have known for about 16 yrs. stopped by around 9pm and after putting Alex to bed we talked til 10:45pm. We both have been through a lot over the years and helped eachother. It was nice to talk to her one on one again. Her daughter which I babysat when she was 2 years old is graduating this year from high school. (I can't believe it, where does the time go). Janet is like a second mom to me and I cherish our friendship. We haven't been able to get together much with her family and work and mine, but all of my friends and family are always on my thoughts and in my prayers.

Today my dad came over and worked in my bedroom again and it is looking great better than I imagined. Him and Bart has done a great job. I hope they will help with the landscaping out back and then it will look very elegant. (my block will be amazed).

I am not wanting Sunday to come for one reason and that is because it will be the first one without having the whole family there. I really need God to be with me and to wrap His arms around me to get me through. I will probably just stay in bed the whole time until my family comes. I don't want to because I want to go to church but I know that is what is going to happen, unless God gives me the power to get up.

I can't wait for the end of the 22nd of May. At 5pm that day I will start my 11 days off of vacation. I am praying I get a lot done and that I won't go crazy. I dislike having 2 days off in a row. My work is my escape from reality and issues. I am planning to go to Michigan that weekend to see family. I pray that we will have a great time together. I hope soon to post pictures from end of July and now of me so I can see the difference. I don't see it except how my clothes fit and the scale.
I am so proud of my mom and Aunt Lois for their weight loss as well. I hope we all can keep up the dedication and encouragement so we can feel like we are succeeding.

I pray to you tonight that you will give the mom's a great Mother's Day and make them feel appreciated. I pray that you will answer our prayers for Barbara. I praise you for all the things and ways you have blessed and given to each one of us. I pray that you will continue to bless us. I pray that you will provide for the needs of your children. I thank you for your love and compassion for us. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.