Confused and Questioning

Each day gets harder and harder. I am emotionally drained and the enemy is going strong. I don't know what is true and not. I don't know if someone is telling me the truth or trying to make me feel bad. I want to keep the things of Chris and trust that Jennifer doesn't get rid of history passed down to Alex. Some people are making it hard on me to do what I feel is right. Some people are making me wish it was just Alex and I. Is this really God's will? Is God real? Does God have our best interest at heart? Does the loved ones who leave us come back to see us? There are times I feel God and believe he is here but feelings lie. Do you still have people in your life because they are family and help you out with items you need and don't or help with childcare? or do you cut them out because you don't want your faith and beliefs to be questioned all the time. Do you keep in touch because they do mean well and don't know any differently? Jesus didn't turn his back on those who didn't understand him or his ways, he just prayed and witnessed harder. So do I stay and just pray or what? Does Chris love them more to appear to them instead of me, if the love ones can appear after gone? Or is he just trying to let them know they need to know God and not go through the virgin Mary? Do I even know what I want or what is best for us? Do I have an illness or am I pregnant? Am I going to die soon? Am I sinning against God and disrespecting Chris when I talk to other people? Does Chris think I am over him if I talk to other male friends? Does he think I am strong enough now like he said I am? Does he see the pain I am in with his family and life? Does God even hear our cries for help? I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH!!!! Why do I need smells to comfort me? Why do I feel guilty not being a stay at home mom when he was alive? Your Word says you don't bring the feeling of afraidness to us so why do I feel so afraid when you are to be with me? What is and was your purpose for me? Why did you have me love to just take it away? Why didn't you have him do this before the house addition because now it's more and I don't feel like having gatherings here without him? How can I go from being so strong in my faith one day to questioning it a lot the next? As I read my older post and praise you I weep because I know I wouldn't have gotten this far without you but how do I know it is you? Here my cry and ease my doubts and concerns. Am I just trying to convince myself that you are real or am I questioning your existance because I am feeling alone?

Dear God if you are real and can hear my cry, reveal yourself to me in a way that I will know it's you. Help me not to be confused and help me to stop questioning my faith. Help me to know what to do with these people in my life that mean well but keeps messing with my emotions and life. Give me the peace I need. Help me to stand strong against the enemy. Help me through this storm. I am sorry for these feelings but I think you know what I have been thinking so might as well get it out so I can heal. I pray that you will help me to sleep well and help me to sort through things and I won't have to take a lot of the same items to the alter over and over. Please heal my headache from crying for 6 hours. Renew me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD!!! Enemy I COMMAND you in JESUS NAME get out of my life, house, family, mind, subconscience!!! JESUS IS MY SAVIOR AND DEFENDER!!!