It's been awhile since I last wrote. A lot has been going on. I can not believe that Friday was 6 months since Chris died. God has been so faithful and providing for us and even redirecting out lives. I am crying tonight because reality is setting in that he is not here. I am having to make a new start for us without him. I pray that God will be with Alex again this year to help her excel in school. I have been sick with a cold and sinus congestion this past week and I think it is from working couple of ten hour days and not sleeping. I can not stop thinking of Chris and our love we had for one another as we worked through our problems and the past 2 years we choose to do God's will and work through the past and have a godly marriage. Last night I flipped to the book of Romans and it spoke about free from the law if your husband dies but do I want to be free? I know God has a perfect plan and He won't move me on till I am ready. I hate the fact that I am not able to heal the relationship with his side because it is not me to leave a relationship sour. But God knows I tried my best to keep the family together.

The people out here are so good to me and encouraging. I looked at houses and rentals yesterday and I would love to take something from each to create the perfect setting and house. I prayed last night about what I should do and I chose to still meet with the bank on Monday to see the options for next year still but for the next 6 months atleast I am going to rent so I can rekindle my savings again so incase something happens I can stand on my own two teeth. (I mean own two feet)This is a laugh in its own from last night. In many of the houses I saw Chris in each one. The first was indian pictures on the walls,the second wasn't much of a house so I don't count it, the third was 4 tvs in the garage area, the fourth, he wanted a fireplace to cuddle around but funds kept us from having one, the fifth was a knick knack shelving in the living room similar to what dad and Bart made. So the sixth month anniversary still had Chris very much alive in me. I didn't let anyone know I was having a rough time. I didn't know til now myself when everyone is in bed and I am crying. I have been asleep most of the time here due to not feeling well and I am also crying because I am not my helpful self and they understand I don't feel well. What proof of friendship this is. They have even helped with saline wash but it makes me cry as well but it works. My family has been supportive through this transition and hard decision of moving and trusting God and I thank them for that. I thank them for helping me out by watching Alex and taking her to do fun things. I thank my sister as well for that and for spending her Wednesday nights with me doing a bible study. I will miss them deeply. I probably won't be on for awhile after this Tuesday because I will probably have no internet until I get out here. So I pray that God will guide and take care of you. I love all of you so much. I think tomorrow I will go and pray through this house and have God bless this small but going to be a great time of rededication and dejunking of our spirits for the glory of the Lord.

It was nice to hear Don play his drums again tonight, after many years not hearing him. I told Homer that I was around his age the last time I heard his dad play. It is amazing how much people mature when they grow up. I look back on myself and I am amazed of how I have changed. But I still have growing to do still. I am trusting God to continue to do His work in and through Alex and I.