Tomorrow is one year since Chris died. He died on a Friday which is today. I know he would want us to have fun and enjoy the time with family and friends but do you ever want to be with them but also want to be by yourself? I want to be here with them but I am not totally here emotionally. I hate it that my foot drew attention to me and now that I left the potluck I am probably drawing attention again not meaning to. God give me the strength I need to be joyous and happy and make this about others rather than me and what I am going through. You have brought me a long way and I continue to shine my love for you and others see it. Today my old work and the accountant and others see the joy and happiness You instilled in me this past five months. Thank you. Thank you for working in Chris too. It is great that you see the whole picture and I rest comfortably in You.

A fun Mother/Daughter day

We got up early this morning and left our house around 9am. I drove an hour and half away to visit a mall we pass going back to Indiana and coming back to Iowa. We say each time we pass it we would like to check it out. I surprised Alex today. When we got off on exit she saw a sign for a children's museum and wanted to go to that and I said no not realizing it is inside this mall. This mall also had a Bennigans, Old Country Buffet and a normal food court. It reminded me of my childhood days at the mall as well. It had a ice skating rink there. I tried to get her to do it but she didn't want to by herself but with my foot injury I couldn't so we went and got a manicure and pedicure.

She loved it that the lady did flowers on her thumbnails and big toes. I was kinda bummed they didn't offer that to me. I was so thrilled seeing her smile during all of this. She really liked the museum she kept wanting to go back after we did things. The cost was 6 dollars and you could come and go as you pleased until 8pm. We made a present for grandma and grandpa and Anthony too. When we got home I had her put her left foot with my right, we made this fun too.


We stopped and bought some fresh produce and yogurt on the way home since I am getting back motivated on my weightloss. With this injury I have gained a little bit and my emotions are also taking over. I am gonna listen to the little voice in me of Chris saying you can do this and I am here to help you this year. He said that to me over and over again. It was nice to talk about him on way home today. I told Alex that I asked her dad what made him fall in love with me and he said my calves. Those were the first he saw of me. I went to help his store out and I was putting on my socks and shoes from in the car and when he looked out the drive thru window he saw my calves. :)Then we got talking about how this would be something Chris would do especially the museum. He made life fun and even at a spare of the moment type things too. He is so very present in our lives still. He was smiling today saying a day well spent and fun. We were still beaming tonight talking to family about it.

God is great. It doesn't seem like in 2 weeks it will be a year since Chris died. Most days it feels like he is still here walking beside me encouraging me. It amazes me how time has flown and how far I have come. Friends who walked through it with me can't believe how I am doing today and how strong I am. Chris and Nancy always kept telling me that I am strong and stronger than what I know and I read this following comment and it reminded me of Chris' encouragement of saying I am strong and I see/search the good in others and he wanted that.(I still have that note)So here is the comment "Remember that you have the strength to carry on even through the most challenging times. You can rise above anything! Within you are the special qualities that you see in others reflecting back at you. Tap into your unique gifts and see the miracle that you are."

One week til Chris is 46. Three days til nephew Anthony is 11. Then there is the February birthdays.

Sunday I hope to start the new week out with a new motivation. I am gonna get back motivated in losing weight and Chris is there cheering me on. I want to do this for myself to feel good but also to be an example for Alex. I hope to exercise with her in the evenings and have fun with it. Loving Life!!!

My prayer is that God will work in me to know how to understand and communicate and get along with difficult people. I pray that He will work in me to become a better friend and help me know how to be a friend to those especially that are my age. I have always had older age friends. I pray that the Baptist church family understands that I am trying to find our place out here like we had back home with the Assemblies of God church. I pray God that you will lead me to where you want us to be. You are the number one priority in my life then Alex. Thank you for your unfailing love and friendship.