Today is not a good day as far as emotions. Yesterday marked 8 months, but I didn't show it yesterday. I made it special for Delphia. I got up this morning after falling asleep after 4am. I got myself around and out of the house to go help Don in his yard again but I only could do it for an hour. I am soooooo sorry Don, I can't stand others seeing me crying and plus I kept seeing men and thinking other thoughts. I was crying most of time and then when it became worse to be noticible I left. As soon as I got in car the song I will rise played, which made even more tears.
I have been thinking since probably 10 minutes after getting to Don's house when one of the kids said "if there was such a thing as a magic wand I would wish for the yard and house to be done and to be rich." I said I wouldn't want to be rich and he said "why you could buy a house" I said "because when you are rich it tends to turn your mind to worldly things instead of to God. I have a beautiful house in heaven." This made me miss my beautiful big house in Fort Wayne and my babylonian life I had there. I want it but don't.

So, now Alex is watching a movie and I am going to get off here and go to bed again.Mom just called and talked to Alex don't know if she wanted to talk to me or not. Alex doesn't understand why I am crying. I am so thankful she is not as bad as me over the loss of Chris. I am tired of these emotions popping up now and then especially when I need to do things. People are probably tired of Chris coming up in conversations. It seems no matter what conversation it is it is like Chris did that or Chris and I would do that or he taught me how etc.

Right now I feel like going to a buffet and just eat forever. Why am I here and have such a great daughter?