Good Evening, Wow, what a day! I didn't let the enemy defeat me from going to church but I think that is the only thing today. I didn't get to bed til 4am and then I kept getting called by same person this morning. Skipped Sunday School, had an awful conversation with the person calling. Went and prayed after church, had a calm talk for once with this same person but still don't believe what she says but that is for God to deal with. Helped Don for a couple hours but then became too weary to work. (stress, anger, tiredness, soreness)I am so frustrated on that because I am the one to ask if it would be ok to work on what should be a day of rest and then I couldn't pull myself together enough to work more than what I did and so much needs to get done. Slept a couple hours then church. After church a sweet lady asked Alex and I over to pick out a painting she had done. Alex and I only could agree on one painting which is three roses. It was nice and it fit on a wall I didn't have a picture for yet. I wanted a winter scene to go with the one from Aunt Lois but Alex loves roses and it made her evening. Alex asked me tonight over dinner if dad was still alive would we have had to move? I told her no.

I don't know who to believe right now. I see some things that was brought up that may have happened but not to sure it did. There is a lot of hurt from over the years that have built up and Chris and I kept peace for all or atleast tried to. I am not sure what I am going to do. 1John 3:7 says Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray (wrong way)Christ is all that is right and so to be like Christ we must do what is right. How do I know who is right? or that the information I believe is right is truely right or am I believing wrong truth?

How do I know Chris is with God? I know I felt peace about his death but tonight we talked about sinning and we all battle sin. In the second half of 1John 3:15 it says no murderers have eternal life. Chris took his life which makes him a murderer to himself so therefore he didn't have God in him.

I meet with Pastor Epley tomorrow evening, I am not liking it right now because I am feeling that I need to keep quiet and to myself so the despair or tiredness doesn't flow onto others. It has been 7 and 1/2 months so it shouldn't be a burden anymore. This church family is great, they all care for another but who can I trust and how do I know what is ok to share? I knew back home who and when to share.